what has happened.

I moved to the USA for a little while anyway.
Just

sitting

sitting,

a strange thing to move around in a pandemic, none of the usual madness of travel where you gallivant with tricksters of the morn, with blossoming adolescents in thick corridors and rainy nights.

No just sitting sitting with myself and then Jill comes to visit or I got to Pulpit road with Isabel, Helen and Clara. The times are simple, mostly screened by my large laptop. Trying to learn marketing trying to learn philosophy, I feel the most stable I think I’ve ever felt. A feat I probably should recognise, the peak the invisible peak on the trajectory of a fantastic life.

I’ve been reading my old journal here and realising what mad adventures I’ve had in my time. One vein that pops out is serendipity, my most brilliant meaningful moments have come to pass in those transition moments, moving from one person to another, to a project, from a building. To find a stranger, an old friend, a new space. Electrified. These moments are few now, even staying in Auckland, in the safe Beach Haven where there is no Covid. It is hard to be bundled up with the gaiety I once had on Castor Bay buses or tolcross’s towering flats. The times will rush past us yes, the most spectacular moments of life may have already been before, of course what do you consider spectacular?

I felt a tingle of meaning spur up my spine as I breathed the first breath walking out of sandhill road, with the great leaves on my right and puffers about to burst into view. The beginnings, the finales, the kisses, the chases, conversations at pace and bottled up angry haste will fall to the shadow memory unless written down and woven back in.

One must remember themselves, in order to be comfortable with the current trough on trajectory. How does one realise that they’re at the bottom of it all, or the top. Those special moments as we say, are the ones where attention has been completely wrapped up, where you flow through activities like a slice of wind across beaten branches.

The days efforts, the life goals, they are all to be lost unless attention is understood. To breath slow and deep, to listen all the way to sleep.

This is finding well being, this is golden hour.